Yoruba Marriage
“Marriage” from Laws and Customs of the Yoruba People by E. A. Ajisafe Moore.
Note: This article has been excerpted from a larger work in the public domain and shared here due to its historical value. It may contain outdated ideas and language that do not reflect TOTA’s opinions and beliefs.
“Marriage” from Laws and Customs of the Yoruba People by E. A. Ajisafe Moore.
Native marriage consists of various kinds with various ceremonies. But in all cases sexual relations are perpetual.
Parents of richer people used to secure a wife for their son while both were in infancy. The wishes or inclinations of the two concerned are not necessary, but in most cases the young man makes his own choice. Should a young man take a fancy to a girl, he first makes inquiries as to her parents and whether she has already been engaged or not. On finding that she is quite free, he privately finds out:
(a) Whether she is of a good family or not, i.e., that her family is not possessed with a dangerous or contagious disease, such as leprosy insanity, etc.
(b) Whether her parents are criminally disposed or addicted to any evil habit, e.g., incurring debts, practising witchcraft, thievishness, etc.
(c) Whether the girl herself is diligent and respectable.
If after private investigation he is quite satisfied, he then puts his case before his parents, who also make private inquiries of their own.
The parents of the girl also find out privately what sort of a family the man belongs to, and what sort of a person he himself is, before giving their consent when approached by his family asking for their daughter.
The man in question first secures the service of a reliable and interested person (preferably an elderly woman) privately to propose to the girl for him. This third party is called Alarena (i.e., one who opens the way). On obtaining the girl's consent in privacy the would-be husband will then ask his father and head of his family or any one in loco parentis to confer with the girl's parents for him.
(a) When a man and the girl have become well acquainted, the Alarena ceases to interfere, when she is given a present of gin, kola nuts and money in reward for her labour of love. But her interference and intervention and instruction in the interest of the two parties still continues.
It is the business of the would-be husband's father and head of the family or any-one in the place of the father and head of the family to enter into a marriage contract and negotiate for the girl with her family. It is not decorous or appropriate for the man himself to go direct to the girl's parents to ask for her. This is called "Itoro" i.e., application for the girl to become the wife of their son.
On obtaining the consent of the girl's parents, a consent-fee called Ijohun is paid by the would-be husband to the family and relatives of the girl thus:
One case of gin to the father and his relatives.
One case of gin to the mother and her relatives.
16 kola nuts (obi ajopa) to the father who distributes them among the relatives.
16 bitter kola nuts (Orogbo).
During betrothal the would-be husband sends a present of not less than nine yams and one hundred ears of corn to the parents of the girl every year as his annual present. He may also send through the parents presents to the girl. A man may give present to his girl to any amount during any year, personally or privately.
In all cases before Ijohun ceremony is performed, the family oracles are invariably consulted by the parents of both parties concerned, when all necessary sacrifices are made beforehand. This is ailed Ebo-Iyawo, i.e., a sacrifice concerning the bride elect.
The most important part of the ceremony is the splitting and sharing of kola nuts (clause 7) among every member of the girl's family. This seals the contract.
When a girl attains the age of puberty, the man about to marry her pays dowry to her parents. This is called Idana. The nature of the dowry varies according to the status of the girl or the status of the husband:—
(a) If the parents of the girl are in a good position The sum of 50/- is paid to them in dowry for the girl, but if they are poor, Idana may be as much as £15 and even more.
(b) If the girl is highly connected and beautiful, the husband should give a specially valuable dowry befitting the girl's status, hence the maxim "Bi omo ba ti ri li a se ana re," The status of the girl determines the value of the dowry.
(c) Payment as dowry is also made according to the husband's capability. "Bi a ba ti ni ipa si li a se idana," i.e., "Whatever one is capable of giving, that he gives for dowry." But the following are essential in dowry:—
40 Obi Ajopa — kola nuts, an emblem of safeguard and nobility;
40 Orogbo—bitter kola nuts, of union and longevity;
Oyin—honey, of sweetness, happiness;
Atare—guinea grain, of fruitfulness;
wines, gin and any other drinkables, of zealous attachment, earnestness and ardent love for one another;
money, etc.
(d) In some cases the man may have to send to the parents of the girl the necessaries to make sacrifice to her fetish or god, e.g., goat, sheep, ram, fowl, etc. These they eat and sprinkle some of the blood of the victim on the fetish. Palm oil, kola nuts and gin, as much as the man can afford (or money in substitute) are also sent for the sacrifice.
Igbeyawo or marriage is the last ceremony and is performed thus:—
(a) A day which is observed as a feast day by both families is fixed for the wedding. About 4 a.m. or 8 p.m. (any time before daylight) the bride is led to her husband's place in the company of her friends and associates and with at least two elderly persons (preferably women) who carry a message with the bride from the parents of the bride to the bridegroom's parents, the retinue singing on their way to the bridegroom's place. Before entering the house, the bride's feet are washed with gin and water, which signifies that she enters her new and permanent home purified, she is first taken to the head of the family of the bride-groom with a message and an offer of blessing from the bride's parents. After this the bride is conducted to the bridegroom's mother for prayer and blessing and from thence to the Iyale (the senior wife, if any), who conducts her to the bridegroom's apartment or any other place specialty prepared for the reception of the bride.
(b) The Iyale, if any, or if none the mother of the bridegroom, or any one in place of the mother shall supply the bride temporarily with new clothes and trinkets, which she the Iyawo (bride) puts on early the next morning, taking off and keeping her own by herself. The Iyale also cooks for or supplies the Iyawo with food for at least five days. This is to show and prove the goodwill of the Iyale towards the Iyawo.
The second or third day after marriage the parents of the bride sends her paraphernalia after her to be carried by as many people as necessary. The carriers are dressed in their best and consist of the young wives of the members of the bride's family. The paraphernalia include everything necessary for the comfort of life:—Clothes, trinkets, cooking utensils, toilet necessaries, including bath-sponge, chewing stick, brooms and brushes, water pots, crockery, mats, bolsters, baskets, bags, purses, and all other necessaries as well as the bride's idol. The carriers make a ceremonious delivery of the same to the Iyawo and make a gaudy show of the things. This is called Igba Iyawo (the bride's paraphernalia). The carriers of Igba Iyawo are entitled to a present of not less than 16 kola nuts.
All girls must have their tribal marks cut on their backs before marriage. Should one be not marked before Ijohun (consent-fee) is paid, the husband is responsible for the ceremony of the same. He must give as presents palm oil to be rubbed into the wounds, firewood, one leg of Etu (chamois) and money not less than 5/6d.
As soon as Ijohun is paid, the girl becomes the wife of the man, who thencefoward is liable to pay a share towards all funeral expenses which his wife may indulge in and to help the parents of the girl or any important head of the family in house building and repairing works or any pecuniary embarrassment. The man shall also prostrate himself before every member of the girl's family (on saluting him), even a babe.
The girl herself, from the time that Ijohun is paid, veils or covers or hides her face from any of the husband's family or friends. This continues till about a year after marriage. The bride may show her face, but must not converse or speak with the grown up people of the husband's family or friends until a present is given to her by the party concerned, or until immediately after her first child-birth.
(a) She is not to call any of the husband's people by his or her name. She is to find appropriate pet names for each of them (a child born a day before her marriage inclusive), But any child born after the marriage shall be called by its true name by her as she pleases.
A man may take in his wife before paying the dowry, but the dowry must be paid as soon as possible.
Should a man take for wife a girl already betrothed to another, he is severely dealt with as in the case of adultery. He has to refund to the injured or dispossessed man whatever amount is demanded as the cost of dowry or past expenses. The girl then becomes a recognised wife of the usurper.
A man who takes or commits adultery with the wife of another man should not go near or move freely past the quarters of the aggrieved man; should he take the risk and is assaulted, battered or seriously wounded by the aggrieved man, the aggressor is not entitled to any claim nor is the injured man liable to any punishment.
(a) The aggressor is also free to use any means at his disposal against his opponent. It is to all intents a duel. In time of war the two rivals may invite themselves to go side by side to the enemies' line or within the closest range of the guns of the enemy (only two of them in front, leaving their comrades far behind) to show who is the braver of the two. Should neither of the two fall on the battlefield, the less brave shall acknowledge the superiority of his opponent by abandoning his claim to the woman in question, and the two men shall thenceforward become friends for life.
(b) Should either of the two rivals fall on the battle field, the survivor takes the woman, but if both men fall, the woman may be held responsible by paying the penalty of her life for their lives.
When a man carnally knows a fully grown-up girl hitherto unbetrothed, he is made to pay a certain fixed and reasonable amount to the parents as dowry and take the woman for wife.
A man may give his daughter or neice away to another man (friend or benefactor) free. This consolidates the friendship between them.
Before a girl is married, and as soon as the day is fixed, she should visit all her relatives and friends one by one announcing in dirge her impending marriage, i.e., her seclusion from her original home. She is sent away from every door with words of encouragement, good wishes and a marriage present.
If on marriage a bride proves virtuous, her parents and friends take pride in it. A present of 21/-, 40 kola nuts and drink is given to the girl's relatives and friends, who remain five days with her in her husband's house cheering her and making her comfortable in her new home. The girl herself is given the sum of 21/- with the cloth (white) containing the sign of virginity. These are sent to the parents of the girl, who retain the money and hand over the cloth to the girl. The cloth is dyed red with camwood and is first used by the girl in bearing or carrying her first-born child.
(a) After the fifth day every friend and companion of the bride except the Omo Iyawo must take leave of her. Omo Iyawo is the bridesmaid, a younger member of her family, her messenger, servant, and assistant.
(b) Omo lyawo is quite free to move about and speak to any one carrying and receiving messages from people to lyawo and vice versa. When lyawo is saluted or spoken to, Omo lyawo answers for her.
Should the girl not prove virtuous, her companions are sent away in disgrace. She becomes obnoxious and is treated with all manner of discourtesy. She is also obliged to mention the name of the man who, if known or found out, is severely dealt with for committing adultery with another man's wife. Nevertheless the woman is a lawful wife of her lawful husband.
Divorce is not permissible in native law. Husband and wife may be forced to separate. The woman may go and live with another man. In that case the man is bound to pay back the dowry to the husband. But the family of the woman will not receive any dowry from the other man, nor regard him as the lawful husband of the woman. He is to them her sweetheart, as the maxim is : A ki imo oko omo tan ki a tunmo Ale re (It is repugnant to regard the husband and the sweetheart as the member of one's own family).
To the Yoruba woman especially it is beneath her dignity to marry a foreigner, a non-Yoruba man including a white man. Only a morally debased woman would tolerate sexual intercourse with a white man especially; and she, if known becomes obnoxious, and is shunned by everyone in family and social circles for life.
A master may give his slave another woman slave of his in marriage. In that case nothing is paid. Of course, the children, their offspring are included in the property of the master.
A man may take his slave or female captive to wife. By such marriage the woman becomes free and her offspring are entitled to their father's property as freeborn and legitimate sons of his. Should the man find such a woman to be insolent or uncontrollable or of bad behaviour, he may reject her, when she loses her freedom by the marriage and becomes a bond-woman as before. But any child which she may have had by the master is still a legitimate child of the father.
A girl, when a babe, may through the oracle of a babalawo be declared to be the wife of his god Ifa and to belong to him in particular. Such a declaration is respected. But if the girl on growing up should take another man of her own choice the approval of the babalawo must be sought and obtained before marriage. The man marrying such a girl should pay an adequate sum in money and goods to the babalawo as compensation for encroaching upon the rights of Ifa god, the babalawo not being the girl's parent or relative notwithstanding.
Muhammedan Form of Marriage
The consent of the parents of the girl is absolutely necessary. After this a consent fee (called Ishiwun) is paid. This consists of 11/- and 100 kola nuts. After Ishiwun comes Idupe (or thanks), which consists of 11/- and 40 kola nuts to be paid to the parents of the girl. Kola nuts for distribution amongst the family.
(a) At the time of Ramadan (fast-time) the man sends 5/-, yam-flour, palm oil, biscuits, etc., through the parents to the girl.
(b) At Ileya (Braima festival) he also sends a leg of ram, 5/- and cloth through the parents to
the girl. The girl cooks in return a fine chop equivalent to a leg of ram and 5/- and sends this to the man.
The foregoing yearly presents must be continuously observed until the girl is grown up for Yigi (marriage).
(c) Yigi or marriage is conducted thus:
The man sends 40 kola nuts, one head-tie and four cloths to the bride through her parents, and 5/- to the priest who conducts the ceremony, which is performed in the house of the bride's father or any one in loco parentis. The bride must be absent. The priest asks the bride's father three times: Do you give your daughter to this man"? the father replying "Yes" on each occasion. The priest then turns to the bridegroom and asks three times: "Do you accept his daughter as your wife"? The bridegroom replies "Yes". The priest then asks for negotiation, i.e., "how much does the father requires as dowry"? (called Sadaki). This may be any amount from 10/- to £20, according to the standing of the parents (Marriage, 10, a, b, c,). After negotiation the bride asks for three months' leave to pay the Sadaki. The prayer is then offered and the bride is handed over later on. Early next morning, between 3 and 4 a.m., the bride is taken by her friends and relatives to her husband's house (Marriage, 11). The husband then gives 5/- and 40 kola nuts to those who bring his bride.
Another form amongst more religious and well-to-do persons is Sara, the giving one's own
daughter in marriage free and without receiving any money or things from the husband. The bride's parents undertake the expenses of the Yigi. According to the Koran, Sara is more commendable by the Koran, and he will obtain great reward from God who gives his daughter away in Sara.
A man may perform Yigi ceremony while the girl is still young. This does not compel her to come over to the husband's house.
A man who marries under Muhammedan law may divorce his wife according to the Koranic law; and the woman thus divorce may be re-married i.e., perform Yigi ceremony with another man, but, as in the case of Christian marriage, it is of foreign introduction.
On the death of a betrothed girl the parents shall return or refund to the bereaved fiance moneys and the amount spent on goods by him on her behalf. But in some cases the man, from grief at the irreparable loss of the object of his affection, but regarding it as a natural event, refuses to take back such things.
Should an already married woman die childless, all her goods and personal property are returned to the parents or next of kin. Should a betrothed girl die, her family, if they choose, may give as substitute another young unbetrothed girl to the bereaved fiance. This is done where special liking for the bereaved fiance is felt by the family.
Polygamy is the social law of the country.
Polyandry is not known.
A wife or bride is directly under the care and protection of the head of the husband's family, who is in duty bound to protect and help her against any ill-treatment. She is quite free to appeal to her husband's parents or anyone in loco parentis for help and protection. She is a daughter in the house and should be made comfortable and happy by the whole of the members of the family, and the whole family, not the husband alone, responsible for her support.
Should a woman miscouduct herself, she is punished by her husband alone, or in conjuction with her parents.
It is repugnant to native law for a woman to live separately from her husband or her husband's family. In case of any disagreement between her and her husband, she is protected by her husband's family, with one of whom she stays until reconciliation takes place. She may also remove and stay with her own parents, but such a case is very rare. If the husband is cruel and fault-finding, or if the woman is insolent or arrogant to her husband's family and they consequently show indifference to this agreement between the husband and his wife, she has no alternative but to stay with her own parents during the period of disagreement.
Should a woman find no help and protection from her own or from her husband's people against a cruel husband, she may seek for the same by obtaining or securing shelter in the house of the chief of the town or the king (see kingship).
According to native law every woman shall undertake to clean the compound; the younger has to do the greater part of the work, to fetch water, sweep and rub the house and cook. She has also to help the husband in his vocation (if he is a farmer).
Apart from the preceding section, a woman shall carry on her own private business (in trade or industry) to provide for her own sustenance as well as for the nourishment of her own children, especially when in infancy.
It is also the duty of the husband to give his wife, on marriage, a present of money or goods to enable her to start a trade of her own. The husband is quite free to give her more presents as often as he is willing and able to do.
Moore, E. A. Ajisafe. Laws and Customs of the Yoruba People. M. A. Ola Fola Bookshops.
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